Dear Mr Black,
I am afraid your novel is unsuitable for us at the present time and herewith return your manuscript. I do hope you’re not disheartened by this rejection.
Best wishes
Barnaby Trusington Howle Foxforth
Dear Mr Trusington Howle Foxforth,
Thank you for returning my manuscript and your enclosed, nasty, miminy-piminy little note. I am afraid your letter is most unsuitable for me at the present time as I've just spent the entire weekend writing the novel that you have summarily rejected. I can only presume it is company policy to reject all manuscripts not submitted in ten-foot high Braille. And yes I am aware that it is traditionally bad form to respond to any kind of criticism or rejection but in this, as with all else, I am an innovator therefore I may freely address you as...piss midget. Still, there's time for you to change your views and I think you will when we meet and meet will most assuredly will - when I suck out your eyes and use them as stoppers for my ears to muffle the screams you'll make as I head-but you into a fine paste. I do hope you will not be disheartened by your sudden, violent death.
Yours faithfully
Bernard Black
Rejection is a part of everyone's life, none less so than the authors. As I myself begin on the road, my first novel now completed and the second on the way, I must suck in my gut and set my jaw for the torrent of rejection which is surely to come.
Although we expect them and know they are coming, we none the less get a little disheartened with every one (a little bit like losing the lottery every week, despite our best efforts). But we, I, can take solace (as well as a measure of fear) in the droves of those who have come before me.
A rather interesting article (referenced at the end of this post) recently detailed 30 famous authors who received rejections (often rather rude). Here are my 10 favourites (or most astonishing) from the list with some added statistics for context. I can’t back up the article, but even if none of them are true, they are still fun, if not a little disturbing.
Stephen King has sold an estimated 300-350 Million books, is one of the most popular, prolific and richest authors of recent times. His first book, Carrie, sold 13,000 copies in hardback and over 1 million paperback copies in the first year. He received dozens of rejections, one saying: “We are not interested in science fiction which deals with negative utopias. They do not sell.”
King said of Carrie, “I’m not saying that Carrie is shit and I’m not repudiating it. She made me a star, but it was a young book by a young writer. In retrospect it reminds me of a cookie baked by a first grader – tasty enough, but kind of lumpy and burned on the bottom.”
William Golding’s first novel, Lord of the Flies, sold only 3,000 copies in the US before going out of print. By the time a paperback edition was published in 1959 it was beginning to challenge The Catcher in the Rye as the most popular book on American college campuses and by mid-1962 had sold more than 65,000 copies. Before that however, it was rejected by 20 publishers, with one saying “an absurd and uninteresting fantasy which was rubbish and dull.” Golding won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1983 and the Booker Prize in 1980.
John le Carré gained fame from The Spy Who Came in From the Cold, named by Publishers Weekly as the “best spy novel of all-time” in 2006 and selling tens of millions of copies in more than twenty languages. After submitting it, one of the publishers sent it along to a colleague, with the message: “You’re welcome to le Carré – he hasn’t got any future.”
Anne Frank and her Diary (Het Achterhuis), published in 1947, has sold 30 million copies worldwide. It is now considered one of the key texts of the twentieth century…or as one publisher put it: “The girl doesn't, it seems to me, have a special perception or feeling which would lift that book above the 'curiosity' level.” 15 other publishers also rejected the novel.
Joseph Heller’s first novel, Catch-22, is also on the list with Anne Frank as one of the top 100 best selling books of all time, selling 10 million copies. Apparently one publisher wrote of it: “I haven’t the foggiest idea about what the man is trying to say…Apparently the author intends it to be funny – possibly even satire – but it is really not funny on any intellectual level.” Heller did get Simon & Schuster on board though, with a $1500 advance.
Vladimir Nabakov’s Lolita is included in Time Magazine’s 100 Best English-language Novels from 1923 to 2005. Although the first 5,000 copies sold out, it didn’t get the critical acclaim it has today until Graham Greene called it one of the best novels of 1955 in an interview in the Times. It was the first book since Gone with the Wind to sell 100,000 copies in the first three weeks of publication. One publisher said: “overwhelmingly nauseating, even to an enlightened Freudian…the whole thing is an unsure cross between hideous reality and improbable fantasy. It often becomes a wild neurotic daydream…I recommend that it be buried under a stone for a thousand years.”
Sylvia Plath, famed for The Bell Jar and winner of both the Glascock Prize and Pulitzer Prize for Poetry, was no doubt a talented poet to say the least. One publisher reportedly said: “There certainly isn't enough genuine talent for us to take notice.”
Rudyard Kipling, awarded the Nobel Prize in 1907 and noted by George Orwell as a “prophet of British imperialism”, was told: “I’m sorry Mr. Kipling, but you just don’t know how to use the English language.” These were the words used by one of the editors of the San Francisco Examiner newspaper when rejecting one of Mr. Kipling’s short stories.
Jack Kerouac became the voice of the Beat Generation and his novel, On the Road, has become a staple for all youths to read, even today (probably because of the lonely nature of the main character). When it was released, the New York Times hailed it as “the most beautifully executed the clearest and most important utterance” of Kerouac’s generation. The novel was chose by Time as one of the 100 best English-language novels from 1923 to 2005. One publisher said, “His frenetic and scrambled prose perfectly express the feverish travels of the Beat Generation. But is that enough? I don't think so.”
Marcel Proust is hailed by many as the greatest writer who ever lived. Whether you think that or not, you can’t doubt the guy could write…a lot. In Search of Lost Time (previously known as Remembrance of Things Past) spans some 3,200 pages with more than 2,000 literary characters. Graham Greene called Proust the “greatest novelist of the 20th century” and W. Somerset Maugham called the novel the “greatest fiction to date.” A spoken critique from one publisher was: “My dear fellow, I may be dead from the neck up, but rack my brains as I may I can't see why a chap should need thirty pages to describe how he turns over in bed before going to sleep.”
I hope you enjoyed that and, if you are in the same boat, take your own sip from the down to earth cup.
But…there are two sides to every story…which I will save for Part 2.
[You can find the original article at Examiner.com]
I am afraid your novel is unsuitable for us at the present time and herewith return your manuscript. I do hope you’re not disheartened by this rejection.
Best wishes
Barnaby Trusington Howle Foxforth
Dear Mr Trusington Howle Foxforth,
Thank you for returning my manuscript and your enclosed, nasty, miminy-piminy little note. I am afraid your letter is most unsuitable for me at the present time as I've just spent the entire weekend writing the novel that you have summarily rejected. I can only presume it is company policy to reject all manuscripts not submitted in ten-foot high Braille. And yes I am aware that it is traditionally bad form to respond to any kind of criticism or rejection but in this, as with all else, I am an innovator therefore I may freely address you as...piss midget. Still, there's time for you to change your views and I think you will when we meet and meet will most assuredly will - when I suck out your eyes and use them as stoppers for my ears to muffle the screams you'll make as I head-but you into a fine paste. I do hope you will not be disheartened by your sudden, violent death.
Yours faithfully
Bernard Black
Dylan Moran (as Bernard Black)
The Letter
The Letter
Rejection is a part of everyone's life, none less so than the authors. As I myself begin on the road, my first novel now completed and the second on the way, I must suck in my gut and set my jaw for the torrent of rejection which is surely to come.
Although we expect them and know they are coming, we none the less get a little disheartened with every one (a little bit like losing the lottery every week, despite our best efforts). But we, I, can take solace (as well as a measure of fear) in the droves of those who have come before me.
A rather interesting article (referenced at the end of this post) recently detailed 30 famous authors who received rejections (often rather rude). Here are my 10 favourites (or most astonishing) from the list with some added statistics for context. I can’t back up the article, but even if none of them are true, they are still fun, if not a little disturbing.
Stephen King has sold an estimated 300-350 Million books, is one of the most popular, prolific and richest authors of recent times. His first book, Carrie, sold 13,000 copies in hardback and over 1 million paperback copies in the first year. He received dozens of rejections, one saying: “We are not interested in science fiction which deals with negative utopias. They do not sell.”
King said of Carrie, “I’m not saying that Carrie is shit and I’m not repudiating it. She made me a star, but it was a young book by a young writer. In retrospect it reminds me of a cookie baked by a first grader – tasty enough, but kind of lumpy and burned on the bottom.”
William Golding’s first novel, Lord of the Flies, sold only 3,000 copies in the US before going out of print. By the time a paperback edition was published in 1959 it was beginning to challenge The Catcher in the Rye as the most popular book on American college campuses and by mid-1962 had sold more than 65,000 copies. Before that however, it was rejected by 20 publishers, with one saying “an absurd and uninteresting fantasy which was rubbish and dull.” Golding won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1983 and the Booker Prize in 1980.
John le Carré gained fame from The Spy Who Came in From the Cold, named by Publishers Weekly as the “best spy novel of all-time” in 2006 and selling tens of millions of copies in more than twenty languages. After submitting it, one of the publishers sent it along to a colleague, with the message: “You’re welcome to le Carré – he hasn’t got any future.”
Anne Frank and her Diary (Het Achterhuis), published in 1947, has sold 30 million copies worldwide. It is now considered one of the key texts of the twentieth century…or as one publisher put it: “The girl doesn't, it seems to me, have a special perception or feeling which would lift that book above the 'curiosity' level.” 15 other publishers also rejected the novel.
Joseph Heller’s first novel, Catch-22, is also on the list with Anne Frank as one of the top 100 best selling books of all time, selling 10 million copies. Apparently one publisher wrote of it: “I haven’t the foggiest idea about what the man is trying to say…Apparently the author intends it to be funny – possibly even satire – but it is really not funny on any intellectual level.” Heller did get Simon & Schuster on board though, with a $1500 advance.
Vladimir Nabakov’s Lolita is included in Time Magazine’s 100 Best English-language Novels from 1923 to 2005. Although the first 5,000 copies sold out, it didn’t get the critical acclaim it has today until Graham Greene called it one of the best novels of 1955 in an interview in the Times. It was the first book since Gone with the Wind to sell 100,000 copies in the first three weeks of publication. One publisher said: “overwhelmingly nauseating, even to an enlightened Freudian…the whole thing is an unsure cross between hideous reality and improbable fantasy. It often becomes a wild neurotic daydream…I recommend that it be buried under a stone for a thousand years.”
Sylvia Plath, famed for The Bell Jar and winner of both the Glascock Prize and Pulitzer Prize for Poetry, was no doubt a talented poet to say the least. One publisher reportedly said: “There certainly isn't enough genuine talent for us to take notice.”
Rudyard Kipling, awarded the Nobel Prize in 1907 and noted by George Orwell as a “prophet of British imperialism”, was told: “I’m sorry Mr. Kipling, but you just don’t know how to use the English language.” These were the words used by one of the editors of the San Francisco Examiner newspaper when rejecting one of Mr. Kipling’s short stories.
Jack Kerouac became the voice of the Beat Generation and his novel, On the Road, has become a staple for all youths to read, even today (probably because of the lonely nature of the main character). When it was released, the New York Times hailed it as “the most beautifully executed the clearest and most important utterance” of Kerouac’s generation. The novel was chose by Time as one of the 100 best English-language novels from 1923 to 2005. One publisher said, “His frenetic and scrambled prose perfectly express the feverish travels of the Beat Generation. But is that enough? I don't think so.”
Marcel Proust is hailed by many as the greatest writer who ever lived. Whether you think that or not, you can’t doubt the guy could write…a lot. In Search of Lost Time (previously known as Remembrance of Things Past) spans some 3,200 pages with more than 2,000 literary characters. Graham Greene called Proust the “greatest novelist of the 20th century” and W. Somerset Maugham called the novel the “greatest fiction to date.” A spoken critique from one publisher was: “My dear fellow, I may be dead from the neck up, but rack my brains as I may I can't see why a chap should need thirty pages to describe how he turns over in bed before going to sleep.”
I hope you enjoyed that and, if you are in the same boat, take your own sip from the down to earth cup.
But…there are two sides to every story…which I will save for Part 2.
[You can find the original article at Examiner.com]
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